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LESSONS IN PUPPY LOVE
FROM OUR PARTNERS

Can Your Dog Help Fix Your Relationship?

Counselors Say Pets Teach About Love, Acceptance

POSTED: 4:47 pm EDT June 16, 2008

After a long day at work, dog owners are typically greeted by a pooch that is overjoyed to have them home.

Just imagine if spouses or mates would be as excited to see their significant other walk through the door after being apart all day.

Some relationship experts say working up that kind of enthusiasm can help a relationship.

"Show you're glad to see her, even if she's only been gone five minutes," said Carla Genender in her book "DogSense."

Genender believes it is time that people learn more about unconditional love from man's best friend. Her book provides 99 tips on caring, affection, communication, acceptance and appreciation. The book also contains amusing photos along with background information written from the dog's perspective.

"In every relationship, there are times when it is not 50-50," said Genender, who has been married 27 years.

Genender, who is a former management consultant and not a therapist, said she understands the dynamics of a relationship and how to make it work.

Her favorite tip offers this advice: "Look at him through rose-colored glasses."

"At the beginning, it is so intense and so wonderful," she said of all relationships. "The longer you are in, no matter how good it is, the more you focus on the negative."

Does 'DogSense' Makes Sense?

Susanne Alexander, a relationship coach with the Marriage Transformation Project in Cleveland, Ohio, said that Genender's correlation between pet and human relationships to human-on-human relationships makes a lot of sense.

"It's important that we look to a wide variety of sources to learn relationship skills. If people can learn to treat each other better from observing the behavior of animals, as a relationship (and) marriage coach, I'm in favor of it," she said.

Alexander cautions that it is also important to recognize the limitations.

"Dogs are not capable of intelligent thought and conversation as humans can be, they are not capable of spiritual experiences in the ways that humans can be, and our rational minds can help us discern relationship problems and solutions, which dogs cannot," Alexander said.

Alexander offered comments on a few of the quotes used in Genender's book.

They include:

Protect her from danger -- Be his guardian angel

"One of the benefits of marriage is that couples can watch out for one another. Ideally, couples guard from harming one another in any way and actually benefit one another's well-being," she said. "Research indicates that married couples tend to be healthier, because they care about each other's health and choices. In-tune couples often signal to each other in ways that prevent unwise words or actions. They encourage choices that protect each other's safety and well-being."

Try to understand his point of view

"Empathetically putting oneself into a spouse's shoes is a vital marriage skill. It often requires carefully listening, sensitive questions and observation to determine what is occurring with a partner," she said. "Understanding one another makes it easier to live with one another's faults, habits and foibles."

Marriages Need Transforming

Alexander points out that the tips offered in "DogSense" book may help couples recognize positive attributes in their mate.

This could also help couples put positive behavior into place.

Alexander recommends character quality language.

Character qualities include patience, compassion, helpfulness, honesty, loyalty, strength, trustworthiness and generosity.

Alexander said using character quality language is using statements such as:

  • Thank you for being helpful, flexible and truthful.
  • I appreciate your courage, respect and faithfulness.
  • I love how accepting, enthusiastic and encouraging you are.

She admits that this is not easy for most couples, but the way that marriage is currently handled has to be transformed in order to lower the divorce rate and the number of unhappy marriages.

Learning from any source will help in this effort.

"It is about transforming what marriage looks like," Alexander said. "It takes repeated practice and perseverance to practice new behavior."

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